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“You have arrived at this page because somewhere deep inside you — beneath the scar tissue, beneath the decades of disappointment, beneath the coaching carousels and the missed field goals and the trades that looked good in April — there is a fan who still believes. We salute you.”

What You Actually Get

Fuller content of the day’s top stories — for all 32 NFL teams, every single day.

Free subscribers see the front page headlines and teasers, team by team. All-Access subscribers get the full articles — every story, complete, delivered to your inbox every day, for every NFL team in the network, not just this one. Same articles. Just longer. Fuller. The whole thing. No “keep reading.”

Plus Seven Weeks of Bonus Content.
One Per Week. Every Cycle. Every Team.

Every All-Access subscriber gets one bonus content piece per week, every week, rotating through all seven formats — and it is not limited to one team. Your subscription unlocks the full Bonus Content library across all 32 NFL team sites in the network. Here is exactly what that looks like on the Steelers page specifically — the full thing, live, right here, so you know exactly what you are getting before you spend a single dime.

Week One — You Get This
Real Fake Trivia Game

A full Jeopardy-style board built entirely around your team’s history, lore, disasters, and occasional moments of glory. Four categories. Five clues each. $200 through $1,000. The $1,000 questions are genuinely hard. We verified every fact. We are not kidding about that part. Click on any one of the boxes and start the game!

The Towel Files The Steel Curtain The Tomlin Streak & McCarthy Era Six Rings
$200$200$200$200
$400$400$400$400
$600$600$600$600
$800$800$800$800
$1,000$1,000$1,000$1,000

That’s Week One. Next week you get this →

Week Two — You Get This
Classified Ads

Nine satirical classified ads, three columns, all team-specific. FOR SALE. WANTED. LOST & FOUND. HELP WANTED. ANNOUNCEMENT. NOTICE. PERSONALS. OBITUARIES. The CONTACT line is always the punchline. Always.

For Sale

Eighteen Years of Institutional Knowledge — Sudden Availability, Pittsburgh Native Preferred

Mike Tomlin coached the Steelers from 2007 to 2025. Record: 170–114. Never had a losing season. Zero Super Bowl wins after 2009. Dismissed following the 2025 season. The knowledge has departed. The never-had-a-losing-season streak has also departed. The new head coach is from Pittsburgh. The Rooneys considered this relevant.

ContactThe Rooney family. The decision was made carefully. It has been 18 years. No further comment at this time.
Wanted

Ring No. 7 — Six Currently on File, One Conspicuously Absent

The Pittsburgh Steelers have six Super Bowl championships, more than any franchise in NFL history. The last one was in February 2009. Sixteen seasons have passed. The franchise has not located Ring No. 7. The franchise has hired M. McCarthy, who won a Super Bowl with A. Rodgers in 2011. The franchise is aware of the irony. The franchise is proceeding anyway.

ContactSteeler Nation. They have the six rings. They are aware of the gap. They have the towels ready for Ring No. 7. The towels have been ready for sixteen years.
Lost & Found

Missing: A Franchise Quarterback — Last Confirmed Sighting: Ben Roethlisberger, 2021

The Steelers have not had a settled franchise quarterback since B. Roethlisberger retired after the 2021 season. Kenny Pickett, Mason Rudolph, Russell Wilson, and A. Rodgers have all occupied the position in the years since. A. Rodgers has announced this will be his final season. The position will be vacant again in 2027. Drew Allar has been drafted. The search continues.

ContactO. Khan. He is aware of the situation. He has drafted a quarterback. He is managing expectations. He is managing them carefully.
Help Wanted

Head Coach — Position Filled; Previous Holder Never Had a Losing Season

M. Tomlin occupied this role for 18 seasons without a losing record. This is an NFL record. The position has been filled by M. McCarthy, who won Super Bowl XLV over these same Pittsburgh Steelers in 2011. The Steelers have hired the coach who last beat them in a Super Bowl. The Rooneys believe this is a positive development.

ContactM. McCarthy. He beat the Steelers in a Super Bowl. He is now the Steelers’ head coach. He has been told this is fine.
Announcement

Official Statement: Aaron Rodgers and Mike McCarthy Are Together Again, This Is Fine

The Pittsburgh Steelers announce that A. Rodgers, age 42, and M. McCarthy have reunited for one final season. The duo won Super Bowl XLV together in Green Bay. Their partnership subsequently became complicated. They have agreed to set that aside. The Steelers thank both parties for their professionalism. A. Rodgers has announced this is his final season. M. McCarthy is aware.

ContactSteelers PR. The reunion is going well. All prior history has been filed. Both parties have confirmed the filing. No further comment.
For Sale
Pending

The Tomlin Era — 18 Seasons, No Losing Records, One Ring

Available as a complete unit: 18 seasons, 170 wins, 114 losses, zero losing seasons, one Super Bowl title, and a dismissal following year 18. Buyer receives all components, including the never-had-a-losing-season achievement, which ends with the era. The Ring is not included. Ring No. 7 remains outstanding.

ContactNo further comment at this time. The era has been filed. Ring No. 7 has not been filed. It remains outstanding.
Notice

Attn: NFL — We Are Aware the Last Super Bowl Was in 2009

The Pittsburgh Steelers formally acknowledge that sixteen seasons have elapsed since Super Bowl XLIII. The Steelers have six championships. The Steelers have not added to that total since 2009. The Steelers have a new coach, a veteran quarterback in his final season, and a plan. Steeler Nation has been notified. Steeler Nation was already aware.

ContactAcrisure Stadium. The towels are still here. They have been waving for sixteen years. They are not tired.
Personals

Seeking: Ring No. 7 — Six on File, One Outstanding, Towels at the Ready

Steeler Nation, lifelong, worldwide. Have followed this franchise through six championships and sixteen ring-less seasons. Have a new coach. Have A. Rodgers for one final run. Have Drew Allar waiting behind him. Have the towels. Have always had the towels. Would like to wave them in February for the right reason.

ContactSteeler Nation. We are everywhere. We are always everywhere. We will be in the opposing stadium too. We have the towels.
Obituaries

The Mike Tomlin Era — 18 Seasons, Never Below .500, Concluded 2025

Passed at the conclusion of the 2025 season, after 18 years without a losing record — an NFL record that ends with the tenure. It won one Super Bowl. It never had a bad year. It also never had a second ring. It is survived by M. McCarthy, A. Rodgers, and Steeler Nation, who filled Acrisure Stadium for all 18 seasons and will fill it again in 2026.

ContactRing No. 7. It has not been found. It is still outstanding. The search is ongoing. The towels remain at the ready.

That’s Week Two. The week after that you get this →

Week Three — You Get This
Top Ten List

A full team-specific Top Ten list. Completely deadpan. Treats every item with total journalistic seriousness. The list below is a sample. Yours will be specific to your team’s particular situation, history, and ongoing triumphs and disasters.

Top Ten Things You Can Buy for $24 at Acrisure Stadium
  • 10.One domestic beer, purchased beneath six championship banners and a very long gap since the last one.
  • 9.Parking, a Terrible-Towel’s throw from the gate, past a statue of a coach who technically still holds the record for never having a losing season.
  • 8.A Mike McCarthy visor, freshly issued, still smells faintly of Lambeau.
  • 7.Half a Primanti Bros. sandwich, the other half reserved for whichever quarterback survives training camp.
  • 6.One Drew Allar redshirt jersey, patiently waiting its turn behind a 42-year-old.
  • 5.A laminated printout of the phrase “the standard is the standard,” for use in October when it is not.
  • 4.A commemorative “Ring No. 7” certificate, currently blank, pending sixteen years of interest.
  • 3.An Aaron Rodgers reunion tour poster, one final season, framed next to a much older Super Bowl XLV loss.
  • 2.Four months of this subscription. Which includes 16 pieces of premium satirical content, a trivia game, classified ads, a children's book, and a staff that has counted every one of the sixteen ring-less seasons and is prepared to count a seventeenth if necessary.
  • 1.Hope, sold beneath the banners, black and gold, guaranteed to wave until Ring No. 7 arrives.

    • That’s Week Three. Week Four brings this →

    Week Four — You Get This
    Fake eBay Listing

    Seven team-specific fake eBay listings, ready to go every cycle, styled exactly like the real site — photo, description, seller, and current bid. The items are always something your team has misplaced, squandered, or never possessed. Reserve has not been met, and never may be met.

    Vintage Helmet — ONE LOGO — ‘The Standard Is The Standard’
    Seller: three_rivers_ghost
    Condition: Historically Significant
    A classic black helmet with the logo on only one side, just the way Mr. Rooney wanted it. It reminds us of a time when we actually won playoff games instead of just talking about winning them.
    $1,974
    current bid
    Deflated Football — FLATTENED — ‘The 2024 Offense’
    Seller: matt_canada_offense
    Condition: Philosophically Compromised
    A completely flattened, deflated football. It perfectly represents our offense during the last few years. We tried Kenny Pickett, we tried Mitch Trubisky, we tried Mason Rudolph, we tried Justin Fields, we tried Russell Wilson. None of it inflated this ball.
    $10
    current bid
    2010 Packers Playbook — FRAMED — ‘The McCarthy Era’
    Seller: mike_tomlin_shades
    Condition: Cautiously Optimistic
    Mike McCarthy’s pristine 2010 Packers playbook. We fired Mike Tomlin and hired the guy who beat us in Super Bowl XLV. He brought Aaron Rodgers with him. What year is it again?
    $92
    current bid
    Playoff Ticket Stub — TORN — ‘30-6’
    Seller: acrisure_stadium_blues
    Condition: Structurally Unsound
    A crumpled ticket stub from the 30-6 playoff loss to the Texans. It marked our seventh straight postseason loss and extended our playoff win drought to nine years. The standard is no longer the standard.
    $9
    current bid
    Super Bowl XLIII Ring — GLEAMING — ‘Six’
    Seller: santonio_holmes_toes
    Condition: Historically Haunted
    A gleaming silver Super Bowl XLIII ring. We stare at it every time we go three-and-out. Six rings. We have six rings. We just haven't won a playoff game in almost a decade.
    $4,300
    current bid
    Green Mouthguard — UNUSED — ‘The Rodgers Reunion’
    Seller: omar_khan_magic
    Condition: Emotionally Unavailable
    A pristine green mouthguard. We signed Aaron Rodgers to reunite with Mike McCarthy. It's like we're trying to recreate the 2010 Packers in Pittsburgh in 2026. What could go wrong?
    $8
    current bid
    Terrible Towel — WORN — ‘Yoi!’
    Seller: myron_cope_legend
    Condition: Enduringly Loyal
    A slightly worn, bright yellow Terrible Towel. We might complain about the offense, the playcalling, and the playoff drought, but we'll still wave this thing until our arms fall off.
    $33
    current bid

    That’s Week Four. Then comes this →

    Week Five — You Get This
    The Outer Limits Enquirer

    One team-specific Outer Limits Enquirer front page, every cycle. Completely straight-faced. It sells itself — that’s how funny it is.

    ■ Transmission Received — Parallel Universe Dispatch ■
    Outer Limits Enquirer — Steelers edition front page
    Signal Strong — Standing By

    That’s Week Five. Week Six delivers this →

    Week Six — You Get This
    NFL Competition Committee Proposes

    Four new proposed NFL rules, each presented with complete regulatory seriousness. The title is always “THE NFL COMPETITION COMMITTEE PROPOSES:” followed by the rule name. Three to five sentences of deadpan satire. A new batch of four rules, every seven-week cycle.

    Official Proposal 1 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    The Feelings Rule

    Effective immediately, any player who is visibly sad after a penalty will be allowed to challenge the call on emotional grounds. The replay official will review the player’s expression in slow motion. If certified “genuinely devastated” by a panel of three therapists stationed in the press box, the penalty is waived. The Dallas Cowboys have already filed 847 pre-season challenges.

    Official Proposal 2 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    Mandatory Honesty From Coaches

    Starting in 2026, head coaches will be required to answer one post-game question with complete honesty. The question will be selected at random by a wheel spin. Early testing was abandoned after three coaches resigned, one cried, and Bill Belichick’s honest answer was legally classified as a threat.

    Official Proposal 3 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    The Participation Fumble

    In an effort to make fumbles less discouraging, any fumble recovered by the opposing team will now be referred to as an “unintentional lateral.” The player who fumbled will receive a certificate of effort. The team that recovered it will receive six points. Both outcomes will be celebrated equally on the official broadcast.

    Official Proposal 4 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    Announcer Accuracy Ratings

    All play-by-play announcers will now be graded in real time by a panel of former players. Phrases such as “he just wanted it more,” “that’s a football player right there,” and “you cannot teach that” will trigger an automatic fine of $500 per occurrence. Early projections suggest the league will be debt-free by Week 3.

    That’s Week Six. And saving the best for last →

    Week Seven — You Get This
    The Children’s Book
    A Landolfi Media Original

    A fully illustrated satirical children’s book, team-specific, written for the fan who has a child who needs to understand why Sunday afternoons are like this. The illustrations are beautiful. The subject matter is not. Both things are intentional.

    Your Team’s Complete Illustrated History — Included With Every Subscription
    “Pittsburgh, 1933”
    The Story of the Pittsburgh Steelers — Read the Full Book Below, Cover to Last Page
    Pittsburgh, 1933 — page viewer
    Pittsburgh, 1933
    The Story of the Pittsburgh Steelers.
    A Landolfi Media Children’s Book.
    Page 1 of 11
    Complete Illustrated History · Cover + 10 Pages · Included With Paid Subscription

    In the upcoming weeks and months with your paid subscription, you can also look forward to titles like these:

    Also In Development — Next Release
    “Why Does Daddy Cry On Sundays?”
    A heartwarming story about a father, his team, and the annual tradition of explaining to a seven-year-old why the season is technically over in Week Eleven. Daddy is going to be okay. He has been through this before. He loves his team. That is the whole story.
    In Development · Fully Illustrated · Coming Soon
    Also In Development
    “Daddy’s Team Is Very Special (Just Not At Football)”
    A celebration of everything a football team can be excellent at besides winning football games. The uniforms are nice. The stadium is large. The merchandise is widely available. A story about finding joy in the details when the scoreboard is unkind.
    In Development · Fully Illustrated · Coming Soon
    Also In Development
    “The Night We Almost Made the Playoffs”
    A timeless bedtime story about a very special evening in December when everything was possible. The math worked out. The other teams lost. The tickets were being researched. And then the fourth quarter happened. A story about hope, arithmetic, and the importance of not checking the score too early.
    In Development · Fully Illustrated · Coming Soon

    What Subscribers Are Saying

    “I explained the McCarthy hire to my father, a lifelong Steelers fan who still hasn’t forgiven Super Bowl XLV. He just stared at his Iron City.”
    — G. Kowalski, Bloomfield · 5-Month Subscriber
    “My tailgate crew has waved the same Terrible Towel since 2005. This newsletter is the only thing that’s made us wave it ironically.”
    — Anonymous · 4-Month Subscriber
    “The trivia card about Six Rings made my uncle recite the Immaculate Reception play-by-play from memory. Unprompted. We let him finish.”
    — T. Yanovich, Squirrel Hill · 6-Month Subscriber
    “My daughter asked why Ring No. 7 is blank on the certificate. I told her it’s been blank since 2009. She said that’s a long time. It is.”
    — K. Petrosky, Carnegie · 3-Month Subscriber
    “Cancelled briefly after the playoff loss to Houston. Resubscribed because the standard is still, allegedly, the standard.”
    — Anonymous · Auto-Renew, No Regrets
    “I keep the classifieds in my glovebox for the drive down the Parkway. Steeler Nation deserves good literature too.”
    — M. Duda, Mount Washington · 7-Month Subscriber
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    All Access — Every Team
    $9/mo

    Everything in Free, plus full daily articles and one new Bonus Content drop every week on a rotating seven-week cycle — a fan trivia game, a fake eBay auction, classified ads, The Outer Limits Enquirer, a children’s book parody, a Top Ten List, and an NFL Competition Committee ruling — for all 32 NFL teams in the network, the Steelers included. Plus the complete archive, for every team, from day one.

    Go All Access
    30¢

    Per Day. For Every Team. That Is All We Are Asking.

    $9 per month…just 30 cents / day. That works out to be 3 dimes exactly, or a quarter and a nickel. And it is no longer just one team — that 30 cents covers full articles and Bonus Content for all 32 NFL teams in the network. We are asking you to spend the cost of approximately nothing to have your suffering (and everyone else’s) witnessed, documented, and returned to you in a funnier format than it arrived.

    Other Things You Could Buy for 30¢
    ( If For Some Reason You Really and Truly Didn’t Want to Laugh Today )

    1. A quarter at a vending machine, with a nickel left over. That nickel is yours to keep. It is the only refund this list offers.
    2. Just under a third of a gumball from a machine that still exists somewhere in 1987.
    3. The look on someone’s face when you tell them you subscribe to a satirical NFL newsletter that covers all 32 teams. That look is free. The newsletter is 30 cents a day.
    4. A little over a third of a postage stamp. Stamps are about 80¢ now. Your 30¢ covers roughly the top third. This is not enough to mail anything to anyone. This subscription delivers considerably more — for every NFL team.
    5. About three-quarters of a birthday candle. The kind from the dollar store 10-pack. It will burn for a little over a minute. This subscription burns considerably longer, covers every NFL team, and produces significantly more joy and marginally less wax.
    6. 0.00002% of your team’s starting quarterback’s daily salary. He earns more between breakfast and the first snap than you will spend on this subscription in a year. This year that figure also covers 31 other starting quarterbacks’ teams. We thought you should know that. We are not sure why. It felt relevant.
    7. Nothing at a parking meter in any American city built after 1990. The meter will reject your 30 cents. We will not reject your 30 cents. We will give you seven weeks of content for it — for every NFL team.
    8. A shot glass of gasoline, which might be just enough to get you to an ATM to take out $9 for your first month of All-Access. The math works. The metaphor also works. Please do not drink the gasoline.

    Hey — you’ve made it this far. You’ve looked at all seven weeks of bonus content you’ll be receiving — for all 32 NFL teams, not just this one. You’ve also seen that you’ll be getting daily, full-length headline articles from the entire network — every side article, too. Obviously you love your team with a passion to have lasted this long and smiled this much.

    Yep. We can see you.

    There’s nothing left to do but spend the 30¢ / day and have this feeling — for every NFL team — last the whole year through.

    I mean really — what more is there to think about? Do you want to smile today (and every day) or not?

    “By subscribing you acknowledge that you are a fan in good standing, that you have suffered, that you will continue to suffer, and that $9 per month is a reasonable fee for having that suffering — and the suffering of 31 other NFL fanbases — witnessed and documented with the respect it deserves. Cancel anytime. Your team will not cancel anything. Neither will the other 31. They will all be here next season. And the season after that.”

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    Landolfi Media LLC · We Put The Parity In Parody · All Content Satirical · All Pain Real